Tag Archives: mental health

Health Check

On April 1, 2014 I went to the doctor to get a bump on my jaw checked out. My doctor noticed my thyroid was enlarged. She ordered an ultrasound of both my thyroid and the bump on my jaw. When I got the results of that back, I learned I had a tumor on my left thyroid AND a tumor on my right parotid gland (jaw). I then had to undergo an MRI and a fine needle biopsy. I had to start seeing an endocrinologist (I saw 4 before I found “the right one”) too. Every doctor was convinced I needed surgery. I didn’t want to do that, but reluctantly scheduled surgery for June 2014.

In the meantime I decided to change my lifestyle, in the hopes these tumors would go away holistically. In May, I stopped eating meat and began an exercise program. At the very least, I’d be in better shape for surgery. 5 days before my surgery, my grandmother (who helped raise me) was killed in a tragic car accident. Surgery was cancelled, and I had a chance to re-evaluate my situation. Once I regrouped, I decided to see a holistic specialist. She gave me a long list of herbs and vitamins to try but ultimately was no help.

At this point (August) I visited the 3rd endocrinologist and the recommendation was surgery yet again. I continued to work out and maintain my diet. I was seeing some small results. After having 3 children in 4 years my body was having a difficult time getting back into shape quickly. In November, I saw the last endocrin doctor, and she agreed to monitor the tumors and allow me to wait on surgery. She ordered another ultrasound (it had been 6 months since my first one). The report showed the tumors had grown. So now surgery was not optional.

April 1, 2015 I got both tumors removed. Both were begin. I am recovering nicely and have gone back to work. I’ve lost a lot of weight. My hair (that had broken off and fallen out) has begun to grow back. I have more energy. I feel better. I didn’t notice the signs that my body was trying to give me. My thyroid function was showing up normal on every test, so I wasn’t very concerned. Even though, I tried to avoid surgery…I’m really glad I went through with it and my body thanks me for it.

I’m nowhere near an advocate for thyroid health, but I am all for paying attention to and taking care of your body. Whatever, you’ve been putting off regarding your health…stop and pay attention to it — your body will thank you!

at the end of the rainbow

Everyone’s always heard that at the end of a rainbow you’ll find a pot of gold, right?

Well, the things I’ve experienced lately prompted me to think about “the end of the rainbow.” Sure, if the rainbow is the ROYGBIV type then I imagine there very well could be a pot of gold and leprechauns at the end. But what’s at the end or over, when the storm before the rainbow is a problem, trial, difficult time, or goal you’ve been trying to reach?

I’ve been in a very trying space lately. When one thing went wrong, everything else went right along with it. Sure, there was plenty of good along the way, but it’s hard to appreciate the good when the bad weighs so heavy. This time was so consuming I lost the fervor for what I love most — writing. I wasn’t in the mindset to write clearly…that felt debilitating to me. While going through, I saw this time as a hurdle that I knew I would get over but just didn’t know when. Not knowing was most frustrating.

Today, looking beyond that moment, the skies ahead are finally clearing, the sun is peeking out, and I can see a rainbow. I can even get a glimpse of the end of the rainbow. At the end of my rainbow is not a pot of gold, in the literal sense. At the of my rainbow and over the rainbow is peace, happiness, joy, and love — truly “golden” treasures.

So I guess you do find a “pot of gold” at the end of a rainbow after all.

The Beginning of the End: One Year Ago

February 12, 2014

I brought my baby home after 53 days in the hospital. It was the most joyous moment in our relationship, even more joyous than her actual birth. My baby was home; here was my chance to be a mother for the 3rd time.  

April 2013

As I sat there and stared at the 2 pink lines, all I could feel was gloom and doom. How could this have happened, again, for the third time in three years? I am angry. I am resentful towards my husband. I am scared. How long can I keep this pregnancy a secret?

December 21, 2013 11:49 AM

She is here. She is gorgeous, and precious, and all that a baby can possibly be – simply perfect. I am hit with instantaneous feelings of joy, happiness, and love. I feel truly blessed to be a mother again, especially to a baby as sweet she is.

The moment she is whisked off to the NICU, I am saddled with guilt and shame. How could I have ever thought of terminating my pregnancy? What kind of mother plots to keep their pregnancy a secret? Why didn’t I make an effort to connect with her in utero? What made me so angry throughout this pregnancy? That moment was the beginning of my journey with Postpartum Depression.

Throughout this pregnancy I felt different. I was angry, irritable, and restless. I was unhappy about the pregnancy. I was not excited to share the “good news” with friends or family. I yelled at my other children for every little thing, all – the – time. I had little patience with my husband. I was unmotivated at work. I just wanted to sleep most days. Other days I stayed awake for the entire 24 hours. I should have immediately recognized the signs of depression and mania with my history of mental illness; however I attributed my feelings to the usual pregnancy emotions.

When I began to experience the post-partum feelings of depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts, I knew that I was not having a normal perinatal experience, and that I had not had a normal pregnancy either. I had been on an emotional roller coaster for nearly a year, and I simply wanted the ride to be over. I searched for help. I found the right combination of help. My help still helps me today.  I’m currently a work in progress. Even though things are drastically better, I still have a long way to go. One thing I am sure of…February 12, 2014 was a major life moment I will remember forever.

Today, baby number three brings me great joy, and adds a dynamic to our family that is irreplaceable. She is healthy and happy. Her spirit is kind and gentle. Her smile and laugh are bright. She is intuitive and sensitive. I couldn’t imagine life without her. Through all the pain now I can experience joy.

For more information about Postpartum Depression visit http://postpartum.net/Default.aspx