Category Archives: marriage

Acceptance

life, marriage, relationships

Thinking back to a time, not so long ago, where I longed to be accepted…

I wanted to fit in, be liked, be loved. I would do almost anything to feel like I belonged. This behavior was mostly displayed in relationships with men (or boys) but it sometimes spilled over into “friendships.” I remember always being jealous of my friends’ friends and wondering what people thought about me and why. This mind-set single-handedly ruined my relationships. I came off as clingy and needy. After several failed relationships and some strained friendships, I figured out maybe it was me. The moment of realization was most apparent when these behaviors started to wreck my relationship with my husband, my best friend. Arguments and interrogation became the norm for us…it created some dangerous tension in our house. We went to therapy, we planned exotic date nights, but the real fix was when I took at look at myself.

I had to ask …why was I concerned with external things that really didn’t matter?

I had to tell myself…my marriage and my friendships weren’t going anywhere. These relationships are with the people that care; these are the people that have been there for me and will be there in the future. The bonds created between my husband and I and my friends and I are strong. I am valuable, what I bring to the table is absolutely worth it to those seated at the table with me.

This realization, has really helped me know who I am in my marriage, friendships, and professionally. Sometimes, people might even say I come off with an IDGAF attitude…it’s true! Not because I’m mean or calloused, but because I truly don’t give a f*ck about the externals — what people think, say, or how people feel. I know my worth and the value that I add to the relationships and situations that matter to me most. I feel good about that. I now come with zero apologies and no filter.

Finally Free.

I Love You…

life, marriage, relationships

Those three words are said every day, many times, and in many different languages.

But WHAT IS LOVE? Is it actions, feelings or emotions, thoughts, or words? Is it all of those things rolled into one? How do you show it? How does it feel? What does it look like? Can it last forever? Can you fall in love and out of love…with the same person or people? How long does it take to love someone?

It’s been said that our parents are the first demonstrators of love to us. What happens when you don’t know your parents or don’t like your parents? Can you still love without parental “example”?

People have spent a life time searching for love. When you think you’ve found it in another person, life blooms for you. Then, as people do, they disappoint you. Does that mean they don’t love you? When trials happen in relationships, love is tested and questioned.

I believe love is something innate in us when we are formed in our mother’s wombs. The gift of life itself is love. How we show love in our thoughts, words, and actions and how we receive love greatly depends on our experiences.

“Love is an unconditional commitment, to an imperfect person.” Unknown

Whenever I think about love and the people I love, I try to embrace this verse:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Because I love and am loved, I commit to always hoping and persevering.

Signed,

Hopeful Romantic

NOTE: Featured photograph not my own

New Year, New You…Blah

family, life, marriage, , , , , ,

res-o-lu-tion: the act of answering (solving)

With the turning of a new year comes change, hope, and rejuvenation. People contemplate long and hard on how to reinvent themselves. Social media sites are swarming with resolutions and plans for change. I totally get it, you had a shitty year with your spouse; you were a mediocre parent; you didn’t give your all at work; you screwed up with your friends. Do you think just because the calendar turned, it’ll make all of last year’s heartbreak and disappointment disappear? No. Making resolutions are great. Creating a personal plan for change is excellent. However, “faith without works is dead.” If there is no action behind your resolution, it means nothing, People have to make that list of what they strive to do better in the new year. They simultaneously have to create an action plan.

I have 4 areas I want to strengthen this year:

1. Myself

2. My marriage

3. My family

4. My career

Action Plan:

* create a vision board

1. Continue therapy (tell all coming soon); Continue exercise plan

2. Continue therapy; Participate in husband challenge; Pray daily

3.Take a more gentle approach to parenting; Ignore the advice (aka criticism) from non-parents (a later soap box post)

4. Get certified in another area; Take the required credit classes for licensure renewal; Actively seek summer employment

The action plan is the solution of the resolution, without it you’d still be left with the same problems from last year.

Happy New Year!